Monday, March 7, 2016

Quiet is suspicious, very suspicious.

Joe Doyle and his lady love have reunited, and without asking Joe Doyle moved his Dumblin into the house he has been staying at. Now for the record he didn't ask permission to move in there, he was doing some work for the family and just never left.

Dumblin has a job, but no car or license. Joe has a permit, but no car, but Joe has a buddy, who has a car and a license, but no tags or insurance. This is no problem in Doyle world. Joe just started borrowing the truck that belongs to the family he moved in with, letting Buddy use it to drive Dumblin to work every day.

This went on for a week before the family put their foot down and told them that they couldn't borrow the truck to take her to work. Joe and Dumblin have moved out. We are waiting on a pregnancy announcement and wedding bells. It is just a matter of time.

Dirt track race season is fast approaching. This should provide me not only with endless new stories on everyones favorite redneck family but also endless sleepless nights as my lovely neighbors fight, brawl, and argue about racing.

Monday, January 25, 2016

Winter Storm Jonas

Like most of the Eastern part of the US we have been battling Winter Storm Jonas. Over the course of Friday and Saturday we got 16.5 inches of snow. Watching the Doyle boys attempt to survive a near blizzard has been interesting. The week started with Joe Doyle's romance coming to a crashing halt and him moving back in next door. He quit his job to live off his fiance/sugarmomma, spending his days running the roads and having fun with his friends. Sugarmomma didn't like this and kicked him to the curb.

The Doyle boys don't cook, I am not even certain they have a fully functional kitchen. They go to town or walk down to our little community store daily for food. The walk across the road to bum water and the occasional snack cake off neighbors. Friday our little local store closed early, Saturday they decided not to open. Most of the people who work at the store can and do walk to work, but with 16.5 inches of snow on the ground their boss decided it was safer to just close up shop. This sent the Doyle boys into panic mode. They went from house to house bumming food and snacks of neighbors. They had no food in the house. Why would you attempt to weather a major winter storm with out stocking up on food? Why would you try to depend on the little community store and the roads remaining open so you can buy food daily?

Joe Doyle and a few of the younger boys managed to get an ATV stuck while out goofing off in the storm. They managed to free the 4 wheeler but there is no word on how badly damaged it is, they have caused thousands of dollars worth of damage to 3 ATV's over the summer. None of the ATV's have been their own.

The sun is out, everything is thawing and melting, it appears we have all survived Winter Storm Jonas, even the Doyle boys.

Friday, January 8, 2016

He Went to Napa

Joe Doyle, one of the youngest of the Doyle boys recently convinced a female race enthusiast into being his girlfriend. I have seen the girl from afar on occasion. Sneaking off to an outbuilding for some alone time, or helping the Doyle boys work on their various race cars. Fist bumping over successfully installing a new (to them) carburetor. Sissy as we will call her on this blog loves to shower Joe with expensive presents. It was one of these presents that caused the first crack in the relationship between Joe and the rest of the Doyles.

The Doyle's don't have volume control. Normally I can hear there regular conversations while sitting at my kitchen table. But on this day I was cleaning out my chicken coop. I had gave up on listening to music because the earbuds did little to block out the sound of hammers on steal, or grinders. Joe Doyle had just got home from a sleep over at Sissy's house, sporting a brand new Iphone 6. This didn't settle well with Jay Doyle.
"I deserve that phone." I couldn't tell if Jay was angry or not, these boys are always yelling at each other.
"I don't see why you deserve this phone, my girlfriend gave it to me." Joe was probably very glad that Sissy wasn't around to witness.
"Because your girlfriend is fat and ugly." Yep, Jay Doyle really just claimed that he deserved this phone because Joe Doyle's girlfriends is fat and ugly. I want to say that she is a little plump, not obese and I wouldn't consider her ugly.

Occasionally while walking to the chicken coop I will hear the Doyle's complaining about Joe getting a girlfriend. The phrase "I don't see why she's with him, he ain't even got a race car" has been uttered more than once.

About a week after this Joe Doyle approached his landlady and asked if she would buy his girlfriend an engagement ring. The landlady of course said no, who would ask their landlord to buy an expensive ring? A few weeks later the landlady and her husband had to travel to another state to finish collecting their things (they have lived here less than a year and still had belongings in storage in the state they moved from). Joe Doyle was suppose to take care of the couples dogs while they were away. He lived there rent free in exchange for doing odd jobs. They day after they left, he also took off and moved in with his girlfriend and her momma. This was the last we have seen on Joe Doyle.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Got Chickens?

I have a few chickens, by a few I really mean about 45. I also have an assortment of other feathered creatures, parrots, parakeets, quail, doves, and pigeons. My sister hoards cats I hoard birds. In the I was in full on hatch mode. I had 3 large mobile runs scattered around the yard holding chicks of various ages. One
afternoon I was feeding chicks and moving runs when one of the Doyle boys comes strolling up my long gravel drive. Barefoot, wearing oil/grease stained sleep pants. Despite it being 3pm he looked as if he had just rolled out of bed, which was probably under one of the race cars. He stopped a few feet away from me and stared for a moment before asking me a question that I can only imagine had been weighing on his mind for quite some time. "You got any chickens?"

I couldn't resist, I glanced up while filling a feeder and said, "nope, not a one". His brows furrowed as he considered a response and then wandered past me to my neighbors house. The Doyle boys are special people. They watched us transform a shed that sits directly across from their front door into a chicken coop, They watched me build out and extend the run several times (its simply not safe to free range here), They have heard my rooster crowing at 6am. For 2 years they have watched me trek across the yard several times a day to check on my flock, yet this one wondered if I had chickens.

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Racing Gods and Fast Food Brawls

I would like to start by saying my neighbors are not horrible people. They don’t steal, they don’t drink alcohol, they don’t do drugs. Their Momma, god rest her soul, was a good christian woman by all community standards. Their daddy, well he probably isn’t as good a christian as his Momma would have wanted from him. To protect the family, and myself I have gave them a fictitious name. Their real name is so famous in these parts that I give directions to my home by telling people I live close to them.

Momma kept a small bottle of holy water in her dresser drawer. Once a week, on race day, she would the bottle out to bless her boys, and their race car. Oh yes, the world of the *Doyle boys is centered around racing cars. Do I live near a famous NASCAR family? No, of course not, this is Eastern Kentucky. My neighbors are gods of the dirt tracks.

The Dolye boys and their garage is legendary. Not because they are amazing racers, they lose more than they win, and not because they are great mechanics I rarely see them fix a car that doesn’t belong to them. The Doyle boys are legendary for their off track antics. Like the time they shut down the McDonald's. It was Sunday morning, the day after race day and the Boys decided to treat themselves to some dollar menu fare when in walked a rival race team. This team was far inferior in the eyes of the Doyle boys, despite having a better record and having won the night before. Words were exchanged, followed by fists. Within minutes the dining area of McDonald's was covered with blood and broken furniture. Off to jail they went, still maintaining that the other team had intentionally wrecked them.

*Names have been changed to ensure White Trash anonymity. Follow my blog with Bloglovin